September 17 Funnies

29th August 2017

Enjoy some more 'oldies but goodies' to ease you into the new school year!

A mathematician is flying non-stop from London to the Bahamas. The scheduled flying time is nine hours.

Sometime after taking off, the pilot announces that one engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: "Don't worry - we're safe. The only noticeable effect this will have for us is that our total flying time will be ten hours instead of nine."

A few hours into the flight, the pilot informs the passengers that another engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: "But don't worry - we're still safe. Only our flying time will go up to twelve hours."

Sometime later, a third engine fails and has to be turned off. But the pilot reassures the passengers: "Don't worry - even with one engine, we're still perfectly safe. It just means that it will take sixteen hours total for this plane to arrive in Frankfurt."

The mathematician remarks to his fellow passengers: "If the last engine breaks down, too, then we'll be in the air for twenty-four hours altogether!"

Mathematicians never die - they only lose some of their functions.

Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all answer at once. How much is six plus four?

Class: At once!

Student:  I can't solve this problem.

Teacher: Any five year old should be able to solve this one.

Student: No wonder I can't do it then, I'm nearly ten!

My maths teacher said I was average today - I think she was just being mean.

10 Obviously completely valid reasons for not turning in Maths Homework:

1. It's Isaac Newton's birthday.

2. I couldn't decide whether i is the square root of -1 or i are the square root of -1.

3. I accidently divided by 0 and my paper burst into flames.

4. It's stuck inside a Klein bottle.

5. I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook.

6. I had too much pi and got sick.

7. Someone already published it, so I didn't bother to write it up.

8. A four-dimensional dog ate it.

9. I have a solar calculator and it was cloudy.

10. There wasn't enough room to write it in the margin.

Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number 11?

A: She didn't know which 1 was supposed to come first...

Teacher: "What is seven Q plus three Q?"

Student: " Ten Q"

Teacher: "You're Welcome."