Summer 17 Old School Funnies

25th July 2017

We hope you enjoy this selection of 'retro' jokes from our very first newsletters ever, we still think the 'oldies' truly are the 'goodies'!

Q: What does the mermaid mathematician wear? 
A: An algae-bra.

The chef instructs his apprentice: "You take two thirds of water, one third of cream, one third of broth..."

The apprentice: "But that makes four thirds already!"

"Well - just use a larger pot!"

 

"Divide fourteen sugar cubes into three cups of coffee so that each cup has an odd number of sugar cubes in it."

"That's easy: one, one, and twelve."

"But twelve isn't odd!"

"It's an odd number of cubes to put in a cup of coffee..."

 

At London Heathrow airport today, a white male (later discovered to be a secondary school mathematics teacher) was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor and a graphical calculator.

According to law enforcement officials, he is believed to have ties to the Al-Gebra network. He will be charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

 

Some engineers are trying to measure the height of a flag pole. They only have a measuring tape and are quite frustrated trying to keep the tape along the pole: It falls down all the time.

A mathematician comes along and asks what they are doing. They explain it to him.

"Well, that's easy..."

He pulls the pole out of the ground, lays it down, and measures it easily.

After he has left, one of the engineers says: "That's so typical of these mathematicians! What we need is the height - and he gives us the length!"

 

A statistician is someone who can have his head in an oven and his feet encased in ice, and he will say that on the average he feels just fine.

 

According to statistics, there are 42 million alligator eggs laid every year. Of those, only about half get hatched. Of those that hatch, three fourths of them get eaten by predators in the first 36 days. And of the rest, only 5 percent get to be a year old for one reason or another.

Isn't statistics wonderful? If it weren't for statistics, we'd all be eaten by alligators!